March 1, 2007

• more random thoughts

  Lately, I've been having a difficult time sleeping. After my day job, I usually go home and sleep...but that hasn't been the case since last week. I started working out this week in hopes of taking care of this "insomnia" but...it's still not working.  I'm up counting the hours to this night job...miserable.

  Then I come here thinking I'm going to get some sleep....and even when it's quiet, I can't get myself to stop with these thoughts! Random random thoughts! It's getting annoying...why do I stay up wondering about American Idol contestants when I don't even watch the show? So what do I do, b/c of curiosity, I go online...trying to find any information I can find...and even go on YouTube....and can I just say...it's evil..cuz that damn thing gets me surfing the entire site looking for anyone interesting..then I start reading the comments!

  You'd think I'd stop! BUT NO!!! I start thinking of things I have to..need to do...clean my room...plan a summer cleaning...think about future trips..thinkg about how much I hate working nights, but I can't give it up b/c it's a part-time full benefitted position..and they (not me) pay for my healthcare! It's a good deal...and I'd be silly to give it up right now....silly b/c majority of the time, I'm sitting here, suring the net...sometimes writing on xanga...for 3x the minimum wage.....i'd be ridiculous to give it up. But i hate the drive...I'm tired...i hate working nites...ugh!! I say...if only I can cut it down to 2 nites w/ full benefits...but that's how it started...started w/ 5 nites, cut it down to 4...then now 3...and if i cut it down to 2...i'm sure i'm just going to want 1 night....BUT I need the money...I need to put money aside for retirement...for a down for a house...

  is it worth it?

  I am successful....I'm really good at what I do...BUT I'm not completely happy...career wise..yes, it's all gravy BUT for me....I really want a relationship. I really need that right now....

  And now I'm thinking...I don't really want a relationship...I just want someone to be there to hold me...and I want time to myself...time to sleep...time to workout...time to just vege and do nothing all day.  But my life is in constant motion...and it is my fault. I am constantly planning...doing...taking task...being with friends...being with family...I wish there was more time in a day...i wish I had more energy...i wish i could lose the fat...i wish i could go running again...I want to really smile....I want to be really happy....I want a place of my own....I want a lot...I want to make money...lots of it..more than what I'm making now...i wish i had luck like Lauri from Housewives of Orange County...lucky girl! 

  Okay...that's it...i'm going to attempt to sleep...my eyes are getting tired....so i'm going to let them get tired! 

  • 5:03 am
  • 1 Comment