May 15, 2007

  • Then what's the point?

    So I didn't ask in person. It started off typical. A text about hanging out. Hanging out with friends. Planning a day to hang out. I had meant to ask him in person where this was going, but he had said something that basically made me ask then and there. I told him that I like him, but I needed to know if he's been with anyone since we've been dating. He says he hasn't, but he's not looking for a serious relationship right now.

    I've been on the other side before. So I know. I'm just not "girlfriend" material for him. So I told him that I just don't casually date people. After two months, you're either dating me or you're not. I don't do the casual thing because there's no point to it. If it's leading to nowhere (and i'm definitely looking for it to move fwd to something) then I don't want to waste any more of our time. If I didn't like him so, I probably would've just let this go on and on until I got bored or found someone else. Truth is, I did like him. I had hoped it was going somewhere. I just don't want to be waiting like my friends who are in relationships that have no title. For 2 freakin' years!! Hell no. Yeah, you may like me. You may only be dating me, but if you're not looking for anything serious....then F this! I've manage to choose men that aren't looking.

    I always fall for that sh*t! The nice guy that gives me the attention I want. As I think about him, I wonder why the F did he keep texting me every freakin' day when he wasn't interested at all?

    G was right. He had told me "he may like you, but that doesn't mean he wants to be with you". WTF!! I don't get this sh*t at all. At least this time around it was sooner than later. At least I didn't waste almost a year getting to know him to find out "hey, I have commitment issues"...and I have no one to blame but me for constantly and consistenly choosing the wrong guys! I fall for those that seem to want to spend time with me, give me attention, etc. etc....and what happens?

    A few years ago, I would've put up with this sh*t. I would've waited and hoped maybe...if time passes and he'd change his mind. What I've learned....they never do. At least this time around I was able to be upfront and look out for myself and put myself first. I didn't shy away and basically told him that I just don't see the point then in dating. I'm the type to get attach if I spend more time with someone I like...and I like him...and the more I hear from him, hang out with him, etc...i'd want more...and b/c he can't give me that, I just gotta walk away. I said the only thing I can offer is friendship...and even that, I'm not too sure about. I already know I'm not going to be the one initiating the phone calls or making plans to hang out. I just don't see the point.

    Anyway, I've been refocusing (again). Since my coworker joined the gym, it's going to be nice having someone come w/ me right after work. We've planned to workout on Fridays. I workout at home Mondays-Wednesdays. Thursday I go to the gym right after work and do some sort of cardio. Friday workout with my coworker. Saturday go to weight class. I hope to see some improvement at the end of this month. I had gained the weight I had lost the past few months cuz I was slacking...but I'm back...more determined than ever. I'm actually writing everything that I eat down. I figure if I write it down, I'm going to feel more accountable for it. So far, I'm doing really good with the "no carbs" at night deal. So in a month...I better see some damn improvements. No pain no gain, right?