It sure feels like this month just flew by.  I must admit, I feel so disorganized right now. I have so much to do, but very little time.  I'm 18 pages away from finishing my Paris scrapbook. At first I was doing 2 pages a day, now I've hit a road block and can't seem to get myself to be creative enough to complete a page.  I have two movies I want to finish and return, but I'm too tired to even watch it...not to mention that I still have to look at what's on my DVR.  I have clothes I need to donate to Goodwill.  I have paperwork I need to sort and decide what to do with them (file, trash, shred). I'm running out of space in this room I rent. Then...let's not mention that my friends want to celebrate my 30+ years here on earth before I leave for NY...and I finally sent an email out  yesterday for those who can make it to dinner this weekend.  I have to go to my parents place to pick up luggage. Get eyebrows & nails done.  Pack for NY. Get rid of any food that can rot while I'm gone.

Right now, all I do is go to work. Workout right after work. Have dinner and go to sleep so I can go to this night job. I know that if I didn't have this night job, I wouldn't feel so stressed out.  I'd actually be doing things and finishing up what I need to finish up instead of trying to get some sleep in before I go to work for the night.  I know I will have to eventually quit this job. I hate to say it cuz I really like the extra money and the perks of having my healthcare paid for...but I'm overdue to quit.  I just can't b/c that would mean I'd have to live on a tight budget, probably cut down on my travelling (which I really don't want to do), decrease money into my retirement fund (sigh). What to do, what to do.  I say this now...but I do recall why i started working so much to begin with...I was bored!

I went to San Diego this weekend. It was fun to spend some time with Ro. Me, Ro, Jayson and Diana went to the SD Zoo to see the ceremonial site for their "wedding".  I think it'll be a fun event and I like semi casual events...and they plan on having lots of activities to do...so I'm looking forward to this.

I plan on going to Madrid and Paris in May 2008 (after all the weddings in April & May)!  Speaking of weddings, I am "best girl" for my friend's ceremonial commitment.  That means I am in charge of planning the bachelor party. I already know that I will be treating him to mani/pedi the day before his wedding to his partner of 4 years. As for the bach party, I think i will take him to the spa, dinner w/ friends and just to mix it up a bit...party at a straight club. I'm also thinking of calling Diana (Jayson's sister) to see what she thinks of throwing a ceremonial shower. 

In April, I have Maclan's & Ro's wedding. My cousin is also getting married, but I'll have to miss it b/c it's the same time as Ro's wedding. In May is Angelica's wedding. In September, my other cousin's wedding (and I'm one of her bridesmaids).  What does this all mean?? It means I have to keep my calendar free from March through May....and August through September. No travelling those times. 

As for NY...I'm so glad Trisha is coming b/c it turns out the rest of the crew only want to shop and eat and go clubbing. The other 3 have no interests in sight seeing...claiming they've been there, done that. Which disappoints me b/c I would think they'd like to still show us around (that was the whole reason for going). But I think Trish and I will have a wonderful time exploring on our own. I have a feeling we will not be going out a lot as a group...which is fine with me. I already know that I will not be "partying" as much since I do prefer sleeping over partying nowadays.  The only thing I know for sure I want to do is go see a Broadway play. My cousin says I should go see Statue of Liberty (and some other landmarks).  I guess Trish and I will figure it all out.  Well..that's all for now. Hope everyone is doing well.

My 21 year old brother left the house without warning. He had an argument with the folks. My parents (especially my mom) is frustrated because he leaves the house without telling them where he's going and what time he's coming back, he didn't sign up for college classes this semester and is only working at the fast food joint and he's not being responsible or respectful to them. In return, my parents pay for his cell phone, car insurance and give him a weekly allowance. They take care of his car whenever there's something wrong (without him trying to put effort on learning what to do) and they even gas it up for him when he has no money to gas up. 

My brother wants a new car. My dad wants to give him money by taking out from his 401. My mom is upset because she feels my dad is just rewarding him for bad behavior. My brother feels that he already missed signing up for this semester (told them that he will sign up next semester). My mom, who speaks rather sternly and my brother (who is somewhat sensitive) got into it. She wanted to tell him that they will help once he signs up for classes, but it came off to my brother that he wasn't going to get any help at all. 

I know I will have to be the one to talk to him. I do worry about him. Last thing I want is to be financially supporting him when the folks are no longer here. My dad's siblings are already doing that with an uncle and it is a big fear to my mom that my youngest brother will turn up like my uncle.  I also worry about that too. I'm just letting things cool down before I talk to him. 

This was my weekend.

We did have one good Saturday night though. The whole family (including one of my other brother's girlfriend) went to see Wicked. It was awesome! I think a lot of women will respond positively to the play because it's so girly. The beautiful costumes, the music, the little love story, popularity in high school....it was really really good! Of course many modifications from the book, but definitely well worth watching!

There are a few things in my life that I wish I had done but did not do. I wish I had stayed a few days with Carlos in Hawaii instead of going back to turn in a paper.  Second, studied abroad. Third, spent more time with my grandmother before she died cuz she was hella cool.

So why am I bringing this up?  He asked me to move to Paris and live with him! WTF! This whole thing is crazy and at this point, I have no clue what the heck I am doing.  First off, I don't even speak French but to say "hello", "thank you" "good bye" "it's me" "I am called"...the very basics.

Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart and maybe I just don't want to wonder "what if"...but maybe I should take this opportunity to do something so unlike me! Maybe!! I dunno!

Then the reasonable part takes over. What will I do in Paris? What job can I get? If I'm moving there...then it'll be because he is the one. Is he the one? Especially when we can barely understand each other? Is he really the one?

Then there's hapa. Although he does not want a serious relationship right now, he's off buying me stuff wherever he goes. Yes, he has more of the qualities I'm looking for in terms of the material stuff...and he is more physically my type...and we understand each other. But but but.....

But he's not meeting me emotionally. Which is what Kam is doing. I don't even understand him, but I know he's a good guy. He's sweet and maybe it's because he's European...he's more intune with being romantic. I dunno!

WTF am I doing? Slowly...is the only answer I have.  What am I going to do??

I didn't make it to work the next day afterall. I was too drugged up and in pain to even make it to work! The pain has been decreasing though. Still some pain, but at least I'm no longer taking 4 vicodins a day...down to one in the morning and one at night...and just using advil. I will say...these pain drugs are freakin' powerful! It's no wonder how some people can get addicted to them.

Before I forget, a few moments of silence for those victims of 9-11.  I still remember where I was when I heard the news. I couldn't decide if this was a joke or not...and as I drove to work, I remember thinking, "what the F am I doing driving towards downtown"!!!  The only things accomplished has been a war that at first seemed right, but now just so wrong....endless war that seems to have no point.

All I know...before they start changing presidents, I have to call my investments and go conservative for at least the first year! Hopefully within that 4 years of the new presidency...I will be able to buy a house. Glad I didn't buy it when it was "booming" cuz now I see the effects and it's not pretty! People can't even get refinancing. I'm just gonna continue on saving until I am able to put a down. Travel a bit and take some classes here and there.

It's been a good day so far. I am happy. Looking forward to my trip in October!! New York here we come!! Nothing too exciting to mention right now. Hapa is around...have not seen him in 3 weeks though.  Kam...I speak to everyday I'm at Cedars. I'm learning more about him. Since I did not come to work Friday, when he saw me today, he said something about how he missed me and that 5 days was way too long!! LOL....cute. 

aight...that's it for now. nothing exciting to report!

When it comes to hot weather, all I want to do is sleep. I don't even want to eat because I am too hot to eat!  Today, I spent a few hours working on my Paris scrapbook.  Then I went with my cousin to LACC to show her around campus since she's starting her French class this week. We had lunch (my dinner as well) at Kowloon (cheap filipino food) and when we got home, I attempted to work on my scrapbook again, but I was too tired and sleepy. Something about the heat just takes so much energy from me.

So a few things on my mind. First work.  There's this guy that was admitted today because he tried to electrocute himself. He is badly burned right now. Why did he do this? He lost his job, going into foreclosure and his family moved back to their country (and they don't plan on coming back) and he's just feeling very hopeless.  I don't know about you, but if I was married and my family moved to another country (and plan on not coming back to the states) and I lost my job and home...my first thought wouldn't be to hurt myself. If I really wanted to stay in Cali, I would look for another job. BUT since I know family is very important to me...and there was really nothing here for me (i.e. no reason for me to stay in Cali), I'd go where my family moved to and basically start over.  Maybe it's because I come from a family of immigrants...and when things were bad and life was hard or they had other dreams they wanted to pursue but couldn't do it where they were, they just moved and tried their luck in the good ole USA (some of course tried their luck in Canada, Australia, Taiwan).  It saddens me to see that this guy could not see other alternatives (besides trying to kill himself).  If there's one thing I've learned, you can always try to reinvent yourself...your life.

This past week A was texting me everyday. Does it mean something if he texts me while he is at work in Vegas? Does it mean he really cares and thinks of me...or he's just bored?  Now it's the weekend...and I have not heard from him.  I know I like him and want to get to know him better...and if he asked me to be his gf, I'd probably say yes. But the other part of me questions our compatability.  I don't even now if I'll be speaking to him in a month.  A big part of me is trying to just distance myself, but everytime I do that, he's contacting me in one form or another, and I get sucked back in.  He's probably not the one because I am still not comfortable talking to him.  He has many qualities I am looking for in a person I'd like to date seriously, but at the same time....there's certain things that pushes me away....and honestly, I just really don't want to waste any more time. 

This week I get one of my wisdom tooth pulled! I am hoping it won't hurt at all and I will be able to go to work the next day!  I really don't want to take any more PTO if I can.  I have New York next month...and Paris in May...and I'm hoping to squeeze in Hawaii in the summer as well, but only time can tell.

Well...gonna go and watch some movies...thank goodness for netflix!