September 14, 2007

• WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

  There are a few things in my life that I wish I had done but did not do. I wish I had stayed a few days with Carlos in Hawaii instead of going back to turn in a paper.  Second, studied abroad. Third, spent more time with my grandmother before she died cuz she was hella cool.

  So why am I bringing this up?  He asked me to move to Paris and live with him! WTF! This whole thing is crazy and at this point, I have no clue what the heck I am doing.  First off, I don't even speak French but to say "hello", "thank you" "good bye" "it's me" "I am called"...the very basics.

  Maybe I'm just a romantic at heart and maybe I just don't want to wonder "what if"...but maybe I should take this opportunity to do something so unlike me! Maybe!! I dunno!

  Then the reasonable part takes over. What will I do in Paris? What job can I get? If I'm moving there...then it'll be because he is the one. Is he the one? Especially when we can barely understand each other? Is he really the one?

  Then there's hapa. Although he does not want a serious relationship right now, he's off buying me stuff wherever he goes. Yes, he has more of the qualities I'm looking for in terms of the material stuff...and he is more physically my type...and we understand each other. But but but.....

  But he's not meeting me emotionally. Which is what Kam is doing. I don't even understand him, but I know he's a good guy. He's sweet and maybe it's because he's European...he's more intune with being romantic. I dunno!

  WTF am I doing? Slowly...is the only answer I have.  What am I going to do??

  • 8:24 pm
  • 1 Comment