September 14, 2004

• So I should be studying for my test that I'm going to take right after work today. But I'm tired...and my mind doesn't want to think. Work is good. My boss at Cedars is really happy with me and I'm learning a lot at a very fast rate. I like it busy cuz the time just seems to fly by so much faster. The only thing I'm having difficulty managing is school...I seem to study just fine for medical terminology, but i haven't cracked open my book for anatomy. I just can't seem to get focused with it.

  
  

  I've been feeling hella sentimental lately. I think it's because I've been lacking social contact. I miss having that feeling of "comfort"...someone to just hold me and say "everything will be alright". I miss the good times w/ K...I started thinking how much I got ripped off w/ this relationship. Why is it the case that the more you care and give, the more you seem to get screwed over? While the ones you don't really care for, want more than you want?? We use to get along so well...have so much fun together...enjoyed each other's company. We use to hang out and chill and I use to feel so "safe" and "comforted"...I was happy and content...and I wonder if I'll ever get that feeling again. (okay, I hope in my heart I do and I know things are different now and I have accepted what it has become). but like i said, i was feeling sentimental today...

  
  

  Rival boy called me up this morning...close to tears. His dog died and he called me to comfort him. I like him as a friend, but he wants more...and I just don't know what to do. I know he'd be good for me, BUT that's not a good enough reason for me to try. I just don't feel the same way (it's like the roles are reversed from my situation with K)...anyway, having never been attached to a pet before, I really didn't know what to say or do, except for "i'm sorry". I know he wants company and needs a friend, but if I'm there for him, he'll want more. He'll take it as more....and I just can't do that to him.

  
  

  So online today, I talked to G. Some would say I'm fickle...if I don't hear from him or if he does something (or doesn't do something)...well, i basically analyze everything that goes on with him. I really like G and I can see myself being happy as his girlfriend, but he just doesn't give enough. I feel like I'm the one always contacting him, always calling, always wanting to hang out...the boy doesn't even invite me to things...so I get fickle...I question where I stand in his life. Anyway, we had a little chat today (online of course) and he finally asked where I stood w/ K. I told him K and I were over..we're just friends and that's that. I actually IMed him and told him that I hope he knows how much I like him (as if my constant calls to see if he's free to hang out wasn't an indication)! Anyway, he was surprised about the K thing and I told him it's been this way for the past 4 months, I just never mentioned it to him cuz..well, I just never did.

  
  

  so what are my plans now? I honestly don't know. I want to be done w/ school so I can start applying to other facilities in other cities and states. Yup, I'm willing to relocate. BUT as of now, the only thing I'll be doing is applying for a home loan....I guess I'll be looking for a house in the next few months...wish me luck that I get qualified for some good mulah!

  
  

  Aight...oh yeah, jim jim....SC vs. Cal is on Oct. 9th. Tickets are $40. You can get them at:  http://ev8.evenue.net/cgi-bin/ncommerce3/SEGetEventList?groupCode=F-HOME&linkID=usc&shopperContext=&caller=&appCode= . My friend already bought tickets for me for my b-day (yuppers, that's my b-day!!) but let's meet up at the game so we can cheer for our team, SC TROJANS!! :-p Alright, gimme a call when u're in town...or IM me on Wednesday! Go Trojans!! heehee

  
  

  Okay, I'm actually going to hit the book!! ciao.

  • 4:06 am
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