October 27, 2004

• The test today wasn't so bad (well...not too bad for cramming last minute). I'm getting an A in the class right now so it's all good. My anatomy classmates were asking why I dropped the class --> considering I was passing (compared to majority of my classmates)...I was getting a C+/B- range after my third test...honestly, I just couldn't keep up w/ the exams...having to study for two classes back-to-back while working 2 jobs is freakin' STRESSFUL...I just never had the time for anatomy....and being the dork that I am, I'd rather get a better grade then get a solid C in the class...yes, I know it doesn't really matter w/ the program...it's all about passing, but...I'm a nerd that way. Especially since I'm capable of getting an B (and even an A) --> if I just had a little more time to concentrate on it. I'm still taking next semester off to travel though....I need a vacation!

  
  

  So it's been about a week since I stopped making any efforts to contact him....he called me today...asking "I'm beginning to wonder if you still want to be my friend"...I felt like choking the crap out of him...and yelling back, "now you understand how I feel!!". I'm only reciprocating back the friendship he was giving me --> which is basically, not making any effort to contact me and waiting for me to get in touch with him.. Friendship is a two way street....I've made the effort and if you don't try on your side to let me know you care, then F-you....I'm gonna get tired and eventually push you to the side. I'm tired of giving so much and getting so little in return. It's funny, now that I'm no longer trying...he cares.

  
  

  I'm reaching an age where I want to settle down....meet mr. right and move to the suburbs (and have a weekend house in the city )....I'm tired of working so much!!  Sad part, I need my two jobs to accomodate my lifestyle...but I've also realized I've given up a chunk of my social life. Unlike the average gal, I can't easily take off for a weekend getaway. I can't spend a night out any given night. I have to plan my outings days (sometimes weeks) in advance. So it's really difficult for me to date. My classmate, Michelle, asked what type of guy do I like. I couldn't really pinpoint what turned me on to one guy and not another. Yes, I've dated some very attractive guys, but for the most part...my guys are average. He has to have goals in life and doing something to attain these goals. He's gotta be nice, smart, THOUGHTFUL....ambitious. I know there's guys out there that I've described...and I've met plenty who are nice, thoughtful and ambitious...so what was wrong with them? Either chemistry/attraction was missing, they were cheap --> I mean, c'mon!! $1 for dinner and you can't pay for me??!!! made prejudiced remarks....pushed the relationship too fast I clammed up and pushed back further, tried too hard to impress me....where the heck are quality guys in LA? I tried my friends...they don't even have the resources for me to meet guys...tried the online thing --> never works out....done the bar thing --> also doesn't work out...so what now?? I'm not going to the work route! Hell no!! But what am I to do? I'll be 30 soon....i have a sickening feeling @ 30, I'll still be single...should I start adopting some cats now as a source of companionship--> and why is it that single women have cats? Alright, I've babbled plenty.

  • 3:19 am
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