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Didn't go out this weekend, but I did spend my time (for the most part) wisely. The only things that I don't like about my schedule is that I never get to sleep in. I've been "promoted" at Cedars to do the morning census --> which is cool, but means I have to come in early in the morning...I get to leave work early...but it's now official that I come in every freakin' mon, wed, and fri at 730 (and sat and sun at 8am). My schedule prior was to come in on fridays at 900 or 930ish...that was cool, but oh well....I can't complain, while some struggle to find a job in LA...I've somehow managed to get two very good ones

I spent Friday night making it a "movie night" but I ended up falling asleep. So on Saturday after work and after Todai's with Woosa, I went back home (with every intention to drive to my parents) and ended up watching 2 of the 4 movies I rented. So what did I rent?? I rented "mean girls" it was pretty funny and then watched "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"...which I shouldn't have watched in my state of mind. I've been thinking too much lately about relationships and people...men...and where I stand. I don't know why, but all of a sudden, I have this desire to "settle down"!! But as I get older, I realize my chances of meeting mr. right seems dim. I say this because, guys my age, usually tend to date younger girls, older guys (going through a midlife crisis) want to date a younger girl as well....and although I've dated "rich" guys, I'm easily turned off cuz I get this feeling like they think they "own" me somehow....and I'm done with poor guys cuz....well, I'm tired of supporting their arse! Older men aren't as romantic as younger men and yet younger men aren't as "mature"...plus, being part of generation "x" means a higher girl to guy proportion...so...it's slim pickings. Maybe my guy is at another state! It just seems a lot of the nice guys aren't from LA....maybe I just need to move! Guys I like, they're commitment phobic...guys that like me, I'm not interested in...it's like God has somehow said "Karen, everything in your life will come into place perfectly except for your love life....(with a strong sound of laughter in the background to follow)"

So mr. dj (formerly known as mr. c) is coming back from his military duties at the end of november. He doesn't get it!! Yes, DJ is cute and he's liked me for quite some time and wanted to take things to another level...but as we got "closer" I started backing off...b/c he wasn't giving enough. I don't consider myself high-maintenance and I know i'm reasonable, but just expected him to call once in awhile. I also expected him to spend a little more time with me when he came down to LA...and everytime we went out, it was always dutch (with me paying a little bit more)....so as I sat there contemplating where this "relationship" was headed...I freaked out. I started thinking, if this is how he is right now, maybe this is how it'll always be. I'll never be put close to the top of his list...I'll never get that attention and assurance I need in a relationship...hey, when it comes to "relationships.." yes, I'm a princess --> but believe me, I treat my man like he's a king...and I just want the same in return. I'm tired of putting so much in and getting crumbs back...and there's no one to blame but myself for it b/c I put up w/ BS! So I told him that we needed to stay as friends until he came back. I was risking the chance of losing him...but I also felt like I couldn't take it seriously either....

Anyway, he's coming back to town...he's "talking" to someone. I've pretty much given up cuz...well, he has plans to move to AZ...and I'm no where near wanting to relocate at this moment. I get paid well right now....moving to another state and leaving the paycheck I make at this time would be a big sacrifice. Of course...there's the matter of that woman he's "talking" to who's willing to relocate. I don't know...he's like..."she's cute, but something's missing"...and I was gonna say, "yeah, she isn't me" LOL...but I kept my mouth shut. It's a good thing he's not here at this time...I'm damn needy right now!

Then there's K...who's going fishing w/ some girl tomorrow morning..then dinner w/ Ally...he infuriates me. Do we all end up with one person that tends to get the best of us...cuz I swear, K is my kryptonite! wait...no...I take it back..he's more like a flame..and I'm the moth burned by the fire....then there's G...you know i'd be happy with G..but freakin' A!!! Why the hell is he so damn commitment phobic...

you know what my problem is?? I need to meet someone new...and I need to meet someone that isn't working at a freakin' bar or club --> although they end up being the cutest guys there! go figure! Or maybe I should just start dating those young'uns....LOL, yeah right! Maybe I don't act "helpless" enough...I'm too independent and speak my own mind...I don't need a man to take care of me, but I'd like a man to be there for me.

Anyway, I stayed at home again saturday night...crashed and woke up to go to work on sunday...and I finally went home to see my ohana....I miss them sooooo much! It's neat to see my relationship with my parents grow. I think I've always been the type to want to be treated like an "equal"...or at least not be talked down to....oh that gets to me! But anyway, my mom and dad are the cutest! I love how they still hold hands and hang out...maybe that's why I get these idealistic thoughts about relationships. I've seen my grandparents happy together and I see my parents happy together...I know relationships are difficult. I know it's not an easy road and it takes a lot of hard work...but there's not one guy that seems to want to put in as much effort as i'm willing to. Maybe God just wants me to stay single forever....and own lots and lots of cats! LOL...alright, I kid...I think his/her master plan is for me to give up and turn lesbian...yeah...that's it! Too bad..it's not going to happen anytime soon...at least in my lifetime...