July 1, 2005

• I was suppose to set up a date today...but I flaked. I just didn't want to go out. I have a lot of important...yet not very important things going on in my life --> don't know if that makes any sense.

  
  

  HAPPINESS...driving to work the other day, I was listening to the radio...and the topic was relationships. One of them striked a cord...cuz I know many people who fall into this category...I'm sure you know a few of them...heck it can even be you. So the person on the line was concerned that her daughter has been going from one relationship to the next...with not a long break in between those relationships.  What took my interest was what the doctor said on the line...that people who go from one relationship to the next don't have time to figure themselves out because it's so much easier to focus on making someone happy than to figure out what made you happy. 

  
  

  I've been single since 2000, but I don't consider myself single until 2003 cuz I spent a big chunk of 2000 to 2002 dating and getting serious with one guy to the next (without the damn title too)....even now, as much as I feel I know myself a little better...I'm still trying to figure out what makes me happy.  I did nothing today...it was one of those rare days when I didn't have to work during the day or made plans to meet with anyone.  So what did I do? I slept the whole day...went to my parents...had lunch with mom and then slept...the whole day. I felt like I wasted my day.....what makes me happy?

  
  

  Angelino Jolie was quoted saying that helping others made her happy. But it's easy for her to fnd that time...especially when you have money. If you're rich, is it easier to be happy? It's definitely easier to pursue one's goals/one's dreams....

  
  

  But look at all the rich celebrities out there....a lot are unhappy.

  
  

  I'd like to find someone that gets me. I like being able to share some time cooking dinner with someone....I like sleeping next to a warm body and holding each other's hand...leading to no sex at all. I like holding hands in public....

  
  

  How do you know that he/she is the one? I've only felt that once in my life....it was such a deep emotional feeling that I don't think I can ever capture that again.  I just had this feeling in my heart that I wouldn't mind living the rest of my life with this man and I'd be happy. Sadly, I was wrong....I guess that's why I'm just so weary....maybe jaded.  I refuse to commit to anyone/anything. Strangely, I'm a happier person knowing this.  I haven't felt "lonely" or "alone" since I decided to take this attitude. 

  
  

  I feel like an empty slate waiting to be filled with all these experiences..but I fear I keep pushing myself to the edge...which is scary (when I think of it)....it's a quiet night tonight. I keep thinking I should quit working my night job but the truth is that it's an easy night job...i just can't stand working every freakin' day...but look what happens when I have a day off...i don't do a damn thing.

  
  

  Anyway, going up north this weekend....looking forward to some time with friends...

  • 3:45 am
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