August 29, 2007

• Mood: introspective

  I find myself distancing from him.  I just don't get it. Why is it easy to get someone from across the ocean writing me, sending me texts (and we don't even know each other's languages fluently), telling me he misses me, etc. etc....and I can't even get this boy who lives 15 minutes away from me to offer anything significant?

  What is it with LA guys? I've been seeing him/dating him since St. Patrick's Day. He was the one that pursued me...called me every day...etc. etc. Now, I can't even get him to make definite plans with me. The perk of not having a serious relationship is that I can meet someone without feeling guilty....and so, that's what I'm doing. Granted, he's miles away, but at least I can romanticize the whole thing!

  He's trying his best to get a Visa (he has to meet w/ the consular's office to determine if he can get that waived) to visit me before the New Year. He's really trying to come down in October. He already knows I plan on going back in May.  I don't think this is going to go anywhere, but at least for now, it's something I need and want.  Realistically, it's not like I'm going to move to France...or vice versa.  But right now, the attention is great. It's what I need. He lives so far from me, but he puts in the effort to go online pratically everyday that I'm at work so we can talk to each other. I'm trying to learn French, but it's hard for me. I find Spanish a whole lot easier (and I even think Italian would be easier because you say it as it looks)...French is so throaty for me, it's hard, but I'm trying.

  If there's anything I've learned, there's plenty of men out there. I once had a grad student (while I was a Freshmen at USC) tell me...if you want romance, date a European. She wasn't kidding!  I'm now officially a Euro-fan!! They are so expressive, so romantic...it's seriously hard not to fall for them. I'm sure there are guys in LA that can be romantic, but they are few and rare.  I have single girlfriends that have their sh*t together. Smart, pretty, nice, good values...and they are single! Why is that?!!  Why can't men here want that romance? I have this girlfriend that's model material...but she decided to be a doctor of some sort....so she has a good job. But her husband couldn't make her happy (b/c he took her for granted). He seriously had it made! He didn't have to work. Everyone called her "MILF"...and all he had to do was be there for her, but he couldn't! He was too busy being selfish. Now he's lost her for good. So she's single. Independent. Smart. Beautiful...but she can't get a man to date her seriously! WTF!  I have plenty of girlfriends that are cute, single, funny, nice, smart...independent....and LA guys just are too dumb to commit.

  I may not have the model's body. I am on the chunkier side, but I'm a good person....I'm surrounded by good friends and family. I'm independent...and I'm very giving when I like someone....and yet I can't get the men that I date to commit. WTF?!!  I do think a part of me is a bit of a commitment-phobe. I know in the past that when things seem okay, I try to push that person away...but it was because I didn't love that person as much as he loved me.  I pray that one day I will find that person that gets me. I pray that I will be just as lucky as my friends who have men in their lives that adore them and get them. 

  So what am I doing? Paris or LA?  Can I have both if there's no commitment to either one??? I guess this will be determined when Paris visits.

  • 3:19 am
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