November 20, 2007

• Feeling a whole lot better

  I finally snapped out of that mood I was in a few weeks ago. I went out two weekends ago. It took every energy for me to get my arse out of the house and at one point I wanted to cancel and stay home, but I'm glad I didn't.  I've been working non-stop as well. One of my roommates, Jack, is leaving the end of this month and we're not sure if we want to rent out the room or not. I'm honestly tired looking for roommates all the time and I actually do want to keep the room and make it into a study for now. I wouldn't mind if it was just me and Ivory renting the place. We would avoid so much crap if that were the case.  Decisions decisions.

  My trip to Europe has been postponed to June. I want to take French I class before I go and finals end June 2nd. So I'm hoping that I'll be able to finish before that.  I'm still debating about Madrid.  My friend Paras will be living there and I feel I should totally just stop by and visit him before I head to Paris and visit the friends I made in Paris (not to mention my Parisian guy).  Speaking of Parisian guy, things are going well. The more we talk, the more it seems we agree on the basics.  I really can't say where this is going to go.  This is a new experience for me. I never thought I'd be in this position. I mean, when we met, I did not even think we would keep in touch, but it's been how many months and we're still talking and learning more about each other.  There's still that communication barrier and my goodness, I don't know how my friend Jenn did it, but I guess when you really want to understand someone, you will put in the effort. It gets a bit frustrating, but at the same time I'm picking up French along the way. It's still difficult for me. It would definitely be easier for me if he spoke Spanish (hahaha).  Don't ask me what the future holds for me and Parisian because I don't know. All I can say is so far we seem to both be open minded and want to learn more about each other. He does want me to go to Algeria with him and meet his family...I'm not too sure about that yet. I told him not next year, but maybe the following year. I want my trip in June to be a chance to get to know him better and see if there is something there. If the "sparks" are there just like the first time we met.

  Then there's hapa. I was so unhappy with the way things were going between us. I finally came to the conclusion that I had to make a decision. To continue being unhappy or to just end it. I told him all I wanted was friendship since he could not give me more. Truth is, it's hard to ignore that I was getting more affirmation from a guy in another country than this hapa guy that lives like 15 minutes away from me!  The moment I told him I wanted just friendship with him, the usual stuff happened. Texts messages wishing good night, etc. etc.  He even responded to an email I had sent three weeks prior to him responding! It's just too late now.  I really don't know what he's thinking with him writing me while he's on his business trip in China.  Telling me to be good...blah blah blah.  Deep down I just have to ignore that stuff and keep it limited to friends. He is buying me another purse and matching wallet but this time around I plan on paying him back.

  Work has been going well. Life is good.  There is this coworker at work though that is having major issues. I'm sorry but I hate people who can't follow through consistently.  I hate it when people give excuses why they can't do a certain thing. If you can't do it, say you can't do it. That's all you need to do. I hate the "i'll get back to you" and you never do. That's just bullsh*t and honestly, I don't think I have to repeat myself over and over again. If you can't put the sense of urgency and deadline in your work ethic, then don't go blaming me that I'm micro-managing! Ugh!  I know she's pissed and probably thinks I'm treating her like a little kid, but sometimes when one doesn't want to listen and can't meet expectations, then one must usually end up explaining it to them as if they were a child. Especially if the behavior supports it. I wonder if she realizes how contradictory she is. She leaves a certain coworker alone every day for 45 minutes. The day that she is asked to sign a patient in, she waits for her "student" to come back to lunch (so her student can sign the patient in) and explains she can't leave the colleague (the same person she leaves alone every day for 45 minutes) alone at the work station and thus can't sign the patient in herself. If you are scared/uncomfortable going up, just say so. Goodness. Don't give excuses that past behaviors prove to make you a liar.

  Well...I'm going to take a nap. It's quiet here and I have a long day ahead of me....

  • 3:35 am
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