AGAIN
sang by Janet Jackson

I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in
My mind

CHORUS:
How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again

A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
I come from a place that hurts
God knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again
Making love to you felt so good and
Oh so right

CHORUS

So here we are alone again
Didn't think I'd come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss
I've come to close to happiness
To have it swept away
Don't think I can take the pain
No never fall in love again

Kinda late in the game
And my heart is in your hands
Don't you stand there and tell me
You love me
Then leave again
'Cause I'm falling in love with you again

Hold me, hold me
Don't ever let go
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do love you again.

Just when I thought it'd be easy sailing....I'm stressed out.

Next week, we have JACHO coming to Cedars...not too worried about that...more worried that I have other things on my mind that might make me go "ugh" in the middle of reviews.

Stressed out cuz I'm juggling money everywhere....changing due dates around cuz my due dates ARE NOT corresponding with pay day!!

On my way to work today, I wondered if it was all worth it.  What I'm doing now...all this sacrifice..is it all worth it? Is it worth putting that money aside? Is it worth working mad hours? Is it worth it?? And am I missing out on something b/c I'm so occupied with work or too tired to go out!  I haven't even been watching my food intake the last 2 weeks cuz I'm just....not together right now.

I'm in one of those moods....

I'm feeling bitter....ever feel like u work so hard...and u have nothing to show for? I mean..yeah, u live on ur own, u have ur own car, ur independent..but i mean...sometimes i feel like I haven't accomplished anything yet!  Where's my dream car? Where's my house? Where's the travelling? The partner? The kids (well...I don't really care for kids...but sometimes I just think that).  At least I'm getting some travelling in, but I'm not getting enough in...I don't have my weekends off...I don't have any day off without sacrificing hours/money/time off....

If u were rich, do you think life would be easier? Or do u just have different bullshit to figure out? I tend to think it would be hella easier! 

Maybe I'm moody b/c I don't feel 100% right now. I'm tired...feel sick...feel sleepy...so maybe i'm cranky...which is probably a good reason to stop writing now.....last thing I need to be is this way.

On a tangent...any authors u can recommend? I finished all Dan Brown's books...I didn't know I loved mystery/adventure books so much.... aight..gonna take a nap here at work. Til next entry...I mean..I should be happy soon...in 2 more weeks..I go on my cruise.....but i won't do the countdown..not yet. oh yeah, where's my digital camera? laptop? ugh!! nuff of this

WEEKEND IN A NUTSHELL:

* Friday --> worked, chilled at home, went to Gauchos to meet up with friends and meet Brazillian men, left early, tired, read a little, slept.

* SATURDAY --> work, quick lunch w/ cousin, slept, got ready for the Common & Talib Kweli concert!!! Show started @ 8pm. Madlib, Guitar Center's Battle of the DJ, Talib Kweli, bboys...and not so cool bboys...more like bootyboys, love Talib's DJ!!, Common...rumors about guest singer...Mos Def...but even better...Kanye West sang my song.....didn't go clubbing afterwards...cuz the concert ended at 1am!! Guy's pick up lines...makes me laugh!

* Sunday --> worked, went home to change, went with Ed to pick up Geoff & Cheryl at the airport, bar hopping, dinner at Versailles...stories of mischief we've been getting ourselves into, called out sick for work...hahaha

* Monday --> worked. slept. worked. coworker....too hot!! DROOL!!

* Tuesday --> worked a little overtime, got my TB shot, worked out, saw my mommy, tried on clothes i ordered online. Love Banana & Arden B..but now gotta return some clothes....

That's my week so far....I need to meet new guys....but i am shy!  

Very busy weekend....celebrated romer's b-day the entire weekend!! Was hella fun...and hella tyring. Partied at WeHo...shopped at 3rd street, ate well..drank a lot...met peeps..good times.

Sunday, kayaking! fun fun fun. someone commented that Sol, Ivy and I were like "well oiled machines"...heehee...this time around it was definitely a lot more relaxing.

Yesterday, bbq'd Ivy's steak (i had already eaten..so no bbq for me)....and went to work. I slept all day today...kinda wasted day...but a good thing...i need to catch up on some rest.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9146525/

Kanye, I know you're pissed off....but I think you did more of a diservice for race relations....and raising funds!!

First off, not only BLACK people live in Mississippi.  People donating money, helping, etc....are of every freakin' race and gender and sexual preference you can imagine!  I understand..you're frustrated...but you're not the only one....the only race being frustrated at how slow the aid came....

I think you'd have more credibility if you said "POOR" people...Mississippi is poor...and I don't know the reasons why peeps dragged their feet...I'm sure race had to do with it..but money had more to do with it.  I see white and black people crying on TV...those that have lost their homes. So it's not the black peeps that the gov't just abandoned for 5 days.....it was the poor and devasted peeps that they overlooked. 

ON A SIMILAR NOTE...a tangent of mind...there's something going on at Cedars..basically....HIPAA is coming...they're harder now...Martin Luther had to close..my coworker makes this ridiculous comment that people are going to comment that Cedars passed cuz it's Jewish...and Martin closed cuz it's black. I wanted to tell him..he was totally way off..i don't think the general public would've thought that....Not that Martin Luther is predominantly black...but b/c Martin Luther had no money...the poor...whereas...Cedars...they have money....and Martin Luther had a lot of Hispanics too...shoot..walk around Cedars and you'll notice a lot of the employees are African American...so wassup with this race statement?

Is it a coincidence that a lot of minorities are poor? I dunno.....but I do know this much, we still need to cross barriers...emphasize acceptance of each other...but without being so freakin' PC.  What I see right now...is that the rich is getting richer and the poor is getting poorer..but CA laws are f-ed up!! We protect non-citizens...and our own citizens get jack shit!  Okay...i'm ranting now...and that leads to nowhere!!

STUPIDITY

Why are some peeps stupid?  I've been paging the nurse in charge of all the sexual abuse cases. In a span of 20 minutes, 2 incidents...I page...no call back. So I call her at home and ask "have you been getting my pages?". She response with "no" and I respond with "b/c I've been paging you..." 

BEFORE I CONTINUE...if you heard that question what would your response be?

Most people with half a brain would say "must be something wrong w/ my pager...I'll check it..maybe low on battery" or something like that...right??

BUT NO...this nurse (mind you, I'm calling her at her house) responds with "well just call me at home" in an irritated tone...

WHAT I WANTED TO DO: call her an idiot and say..wtf do you think I'm doing right now?? Calling you at work?? DUMBASS!!

Instead I respond with "okay..that's what I'm doing..that's why I called you at home"..Not to state the freakin' obvious!!

IDIOTS....

Another thing..maybe I'm being rude...(but I don't think I am)...but if I get a call and the person starts talking and talking (i.e. like a doctor giving me info on the abused kid)....I interrupt that person...and tell them, I just need the following info. WHY?? B/c I don't need any more details...b/c s/he's going to repeat himself again..I'm definitely not going to be relaying that information given (too much details and no room to put in my paperwork)...the only room I have is the age of victim, name of vic, caller (we only accept police officer's calls --> the doc was lucky that I even talked to him, otherwise I'd refer him to call LAPD..but the officer was there...they know protocol..they should be the one calling...anyway)...that's all the info I need. Should the nurse need any other info it's up to her to call. Makes sense right? I'm being nice by not wasting that person's breath on me. But they take it as if I'm being rude...I'm not...and I'm not telling the caller to shut the f up..i'm just telling the caller that I just need such and such info...and that's it. Everything else is handled by someone else.

Okay..nuff said.

Losing one pound a week is so depressing!!!  I mean, at least I'm losing...but it's freakin' hard work!! I really need to get a new scale though...so that's next on the list. 

Spent last night with K. He'll be moving out of his place soon and closer to me...in Culver City...sometimes the sentimental side of me remembers all the good things about me & him, but then reality steps along and I'm back to remembering we're better off where we are now.

I've become SELFISH.  Talking to K, I've realized I don't let anyone in --> not even him. I do things when I want to do things...I'm not as "helfpul" as I use to be.  I guess I've had enough of giving so much of myself and getting so little in return.  Maybe I just lack communication...but I don't believe is wasting breath if actions show otherwise. 

Had dinner with Lynnise last week. It was good to hang out with her. I told her to come by the pad and I grilled some longanisa (filipino sausage), sweet corn and rice. She brought jello.  I like cooking for people. I like having guest  Anyway, gotta do a girl's night soon....itching to do something I guess.

Went to Mai Tai in Long Beach last Wednesday....fun times.  While I was sitting down chillin', this dood (pretty cute) across the way smiled at me..so I smiled back..next thing I know I'm sitting next to him in his group....just chatting..and his girl (which he claims is just a friend) is giving me dirty looks the entire time. It was funny. What was funnier was that he told me he was a hockey player visiting for the Kings! Kiss my ass boy!! I did some moonlighting for Staples Center before they even existed and I can tell you...hockey players are tall and big!! He wasn't tall...and he wasn't really big!! But I played along...no...for once I wasn't gullible. The only bad thing...I smoked. I was so good for a long ass time (about 3 months)....and I'm such a social biatch smoker!! damn..back to the drawing board!

I ended up hanging out with coworker after Mai Tai. It was funny cuz I got lost going to his friend's pad. I drank some more (since I didn't have to work the next day)..and I was just talking so much crap....I think he was too....but i ended up crashing on the couch! hahaha. 

Woosa, Ed and I were suppose to go to some fair in Los Feliz area...on Sunset...but when I got off work Saturday, it was soooo HOT!! We decided to screw the fair and ended up at the Grove...shopping. Bought a cute top at Banana Repulic...I really love Arden B...but I won't buy anymore new tops until I lose more poundage.  Furthermore, I now know where to get business outfits at reasonable prices.... and no, I'm not talking about Arden B.

Today was the worst day at work!! The phones kept ringing, one of my immediate coworkers got on my nerves...actually..she gets on my nerves a lot. She does the MINIMAL....I mean, she doesn't fill out all the necessary info when verifying insurance...she doesn't pick up the phone even though I pick up the phone while I'm still working on another client....it's just so damn frustrating sometimes.  I actually yelled and said "can someone help with the phones"...literally, everytime I hung up, I was the one picking up the next line.....it's just frustrating cuz I open shop and handle all the census stuff and I just hate having to "clean up" after peeps.  But I guess that's why I'm equal to my counterparts......know that I can move up easily should it be necessary...

ANYWAY....the days seem so much shorter for me. I keep wanting more free time. I really want to stop working weekends...and dammit..I'm going to Vegas in November!! F-this! I'm tired working 7 days a week!! so BORING...but oddly, the more I make, the more I spend...hahaha (okay, not odd..to be expected). I have to do some reinvesting soon....I finish paying off my Thailand expenses this month!! yay!! Then it'll be cruise expenses (hahaha).

So after 2 weeks...G IMs me...with a freakin'  message. "Hi Karen, how are you? Hope you're doing great"...seriously, what's the f*cking point? Why??!! Why does he have to contact me? It was his decision that he "didn't want me to get attached" (which I have no clue how the F can one get attach when you don't see each other or hang out with each other!! especially in almost 2 months)!! Such bull!! I got tired of the BS....why freakin' turn it around as if you can't hang out/call me cuz I might get attach. Last I checked, I wasn't...and I'm an adult! The bottom line...instead of just telling me the truth that he's seeing someone/hanging out with someone..he turns it around telling me he doesn't want me to get attached! WTF! I didn't say anything. I'm not going to talk with someone who can't tell me the truth. What's the point. So I've kept my distance..and now he wants to be friends?? F-that! Honestly, I have nothing to say to him. I hate games...I can be friends (which is what I was trying to be) but I can't deal with being 2nd class friends with anyone.  I'd rather not be friends.

To add to this, Mr. C starts rambling about the past..how he cares about me..blah blah blah..BTW, Mr. C is Arizona Boy.  I basically cut him short and said..."bottom line, our chance came and went...it passed us". Honestly, what's the point?!! Don't freakin' talk about the past and hoping for a future when the chance came and you didn't take it! ya know what I mean?! That's BS. I told him my heart is in the freezer and there's no way anyone is going to take it out! LOL....

ok...done with my rambling...until next time.

Lost 4.5 lbs so far (after a little bit over 1.5 weeks). Feeling pretty good about that. But I'm currently sick....yup...still sick.

Nothing much going on. K gave me his TV, TV stand and grill. So I attempted to clean my closet first.  I got about 1 bag full of clothes to give to Goodwill. Another bag full to throw. I have a twin bed full of clothes I need to sort and re-hang.

Can't believe August is almost over!! Yay!! I'm definitely going to be happy when October comes along. I guess next month I'll start with giving the cruise group the info they need to fill out for boarding!! I'm excited!! Scuurred cuz I dunno how I'll do with the weight loss thang but hopefully I'll be working out as well. I wonder if they have internet access on a cruise ship?

okie dokes..time to get back to work.

The Sugar Water Concert was awesome! I was tired at the end...but glad I went.

I didn't go out this weekend. I got sick. I was suppose to go to Mai Tai in Long Beach, but after work Saturday....all I wanted to do was sleep --> which I what I did. Sunday, went to work, went to Geoff's and cooked for Cheryl, Geoff and John....then went to work...it was then that I realized I was SICK.

Bought some CD's at Wherehouse.....Maxwell, Sade, Kem, Ciara, BEP, 112 (I haven't opened their CD yet though)....spent a lot...but wanted the CD's....now enjoying the ride to work.

I was sent home from Cedars on Monday. Said I was sick...go home. Coworker looked so cute too...but couldn't enjoy the view since all I wanted was to rest in bed.

Aight...that's it....another day at work. I need some time off....I need to figure out when I can get some time off....I want a vacation (again).

I got dark. Went kayaking this weekend w/ Jay, Trish, Cheryl and Nicole. What a workout!  It was so much fun though!! I love kayaking...I missed it so much (last time was in San Diego).  When I do get the time, house and money...I'm definitely going to add this as one of the hobbies I'd like to pursue. Kayaking, horse back riding and hula/tahitian!!

Speaking of hobies, I so need to start my scrapbooking. My drawer is now filled to the max w/ photos and invitations, etc. I just can't do it at home though...I need more space...and time. Hmmmm...time seems to be an issue right now.

Other things I need to do...clean my room. I mostly (cuz I still have to clean the backseat) got my car cleaned --> that's cuz all the crap I had in there...went to my room! Hahaha. So sometime this weekend, I'm going to do some "Summer cleaning"...toss old clothes out, do some filing, wrap some gifts, etc. etc.

While driving back home from kayaking, something hit my window --> so I have to go and pay xxx amount to fix that scratch (hopefully I won't have to replace the entire window)...but if it cost $75 to fix it, I might as well get a new one for $100 (they come to the house too). 

Besides kayaking...went shopping this weekend with Cheryl at Glendale Galleria. I love that mall. But next month, we plan to shop in Beverly Hills (not Beverly Center)...she said there's a mall in the heart of BH that has the same shops (as long as we stick to the department/well known stores....the prices shouldn't be different). Bought 2 tops and earrings from B. Arden, 2 shoes from Aldo, 1 work shoe from Naturalizer, 1 work pant from Ann Taylor and of course "destination" perfume from Ann Taylor.  I haven't bought any outfits, shoes, etc for me since December...so I think it's been a good amount of time for me to buy some new clothes  I didn't buy anything from Banana Republic...didn't see anything I really wanted...and I don't buy anything at BR unless it's on sale...cuz they usually do go on sale!!