It's been a very busy week! Almost done with Christmas shopping...got my list of addresses (and if you're reading this and you didn't get an email...and want a x-mas card, please email me your addy)....just busy busy busy.

I have my final in two weeks. I'm gonna study really hard to keep my 4.0 GPA (ha!! I can't believe it either!).

The only bad thing that's happened is my car has a big ass scratch on the passenger side...and a small dent. Yup...it got hit while I was working!!  I hope I don't have to pay for any fixings, but I might end up doing so. Sucks!! At least this time around, I actually have a little savings to pay for that crap.

Nothing else going on. Had a wonderful date with Mr. C on Saturday. Finally!! Man, why is it that whenever things start to look good and promising....it's practically coming to an end? He's moving to Arizona in a few months, he doesn't want to start anything now...should I move with him?? I just can't see myself living there....but time will tell. If it's meant to be, it'll happen.

Happy Turkey Day everyone!! Can you believe this month is almost over!! It's been such a fun month....and yeah..a fun year!! I'm defnitely thankful for having a supportive family, a great network of friends I can hang with and laugh with...and eat with and I'm thankful for someone up there watching over me. Prayers really do get answered. If you do good, good will come back. Eat lots and don't sleep too much

Quick update....B2M was awesome! We ended up having dinner at HOB and it was good to spend some time together. Made a few friends while watching the show and bumped into some UCLA peeps I haven't seen in years. I was happy...but then again, when I'm with him and we're doing fun things like that...I'm usually happy...but I won't lie, I'm getting old. I was so tired at the end! He went ahead to get the valet ticket in, but for some reason, we were the last to get our car! Which was okay, cuz we met...ugh..I forgot his name. The tall one from the group! He has a nice car and his girlfriend (well, I'm asuming girlfriend) is so tiny! He was really nice and gracious.

I think I'm going to cut my hours here at Northridge....the more I work, the more I don't want to...or maybe I'm just waiting for a vacation! I got invited to tour Europe with some friends, but I passed on the opportunity b/c I really want enough money for my trip to Thailand. I also want to make sure I have enough money to buy some gold there! Yeah yeah...so typically Asian of me!

Friday, I didn't go to the Idol taping. I wasn't too bummed b/c I was really really tired and crashed the moment I got home. Saturday, went to work...went shopping with one of the girls from the sorority....and got ready for Jermaine's party...Cheryl, Geoff and I got all dressed up for this big event...I got all cute cuz I was gonna see JB (the director dood I was seeing last year) but it wasn't meant to be. First...we were one car off to get Valet. Second, we were 1 minute off before the lined began to form ridiculous! Third...well, by the time we got there, we found out they were only doing "ins and outs" and so, we left and went to Geoff's studio to party in Hollywood instead. We ended up drinking at the Burgundy room...but Cheryl and I really wanted to go out....so we were about to head out and...4th, it was pouring (thanks weatherman for the 411). After it died down a bit, we ran to the lot to head out to all a small pub near our area. We chilled there the rest of the night...had a few beers and shots..then went home.

Today...work was busy. We had 5 peeps in the ER! It's going to be a busy week. I have to go to work Thanksgiving night...(not to mention the night before)...and Friday (for 4 hours). So...I like have to contact ticketmaster to see if they got my Jay-Z ticket back and credited my account. I was suppose to go this week to his concert, but after R. Kelly left...I didn't want to go either....not surprisingly, I couldn't sell my tickets to anyone! I even offered to give it to my bros for free and they didn't want it! WTF!

Well, if I don't write any for the days to come, I hope y'all have a happy turkey day!

Oh yeah...talking to a friend the other day...we concluded that dizzy kids are lame and fake.  Yeah, i know that didn't make any sense..but I promised I'd post it for her!

Would you tell people you care about that you had some problems with things or would you wait around and let them wonder what was wrong? I can't stand social retardness!

A little bit more of a serious bloq.

The phase has begun for people in my department to lose their jobs. I don't have to worry, luckily no one wants my shift. But it's hard when people with families lose their jobs. What's to become of their livelihood? My colleague was called today and was told she would be "severed" from her position. My other colleage will have to change her shift to accommodate the guy from the other hospital who wants her current shift. Luckily the one that's getting severed was offered Mon-Fridays 7AM-11AM, Sunday 12 hour shift. I said "well..that's good news...at least she has a job"...my coworker said, "yes, but it sucks...it's 6 days a week." Maybe I've gotten use to being a workaholic. I work 7 days a week...it doesn't bother me...besides, I'd rather work 4 hours Mon-Fridays and in the mornings! But that's just me...

Because of the "downsizing", my department has gotten a new job task. We now handle calls from LAPD for rape victims. It's freakin' hard....today, I got a call on a 4 year old! WTF!! Who the hell is sick enough to do such a thing to a little girl! It infuriates me to hear this. Having friends who were victims...it's a bit too much for me. I pray I don't get many calls at night for this...it makes me pretty sad when I hear bad things happening to defenseless children. It's just wrong...as selfish as this sounds, I hope we don't get this assignment for good. Basically, when an officer calls, we page the nurse and an advocate to meet the officer and the victim at our former sister hospital..they have the newest state-of-the-art machines to take pictures, etc (sadly, they'll have to move because of the closure). I give props to these officers, nurses and advocates for handling such a sensitive issue. For me, it would be too difficult not to get emotions involved (especially if it's a young girl)..I'd want justice and get that person castrated (if it's a guy that did the abuse)...

Another thing...if you, your daughter, wife was raped and got pregnant, would you keep the baby? Okay...I'm gonna rant now...a friend of mine didn't vote this year because they didn't want Bush to win, but Kerry was pro-choice. For some pro-lifers it's okay to enforce their religious/moral beliefs on others, but are they willing to be the ones that will take care of this unwanted child? (and i'm not saying that just b/c one gets pregnant due to a rape, the child is unwanted....I know there are some that keep it for religious and moral beliefs...but for me...I don't have the right to make someone keep it..it was just an extreme example)....I personally thought that was a shitty reason not to vote...I even told her "then you'll never vote Democrat if that's your main reason for not voting".

====ON A LIGHTER NOTE==
I was listening to Danny and Jamie in the morning and they had this intern that got married this weekend....it's classic though...she met this guy at a club in vegas...and they got married...then and there!! I found it amusing....her friends and his friends were encouraging them....she was asked, "so what was he wearing"...and she replied "something blurry"...LOL. So, the question is, would you do something like this?? Say you were drunk and some girl/guy you meet in Vegas professes his/her love for you...and you guys hang out for several hours...and then he/she proposes...what would you say? Better yet, would you be the one proposing?

So he called me today...530AM...he never calls when his at the base. So it was a pleasant surprise to my busy work night...he comes home Sunday....I don't know if we'll have the talk. I don't know where things are going. All I know is that he's coming home for good at the end of this month and....I'm scared! Yeah, I know...such a weirdo. But what if he actually does start to do everything I've been telling him was missing with "us" to begin with...then again, I'm scared that things won't change and it'll just remain the same. I guess this will truly show if I'm a commit phobe. But for now, I'll see him soon....and I'm just going to concentrate on:

Wednesday....gonna hang w/ G to see how bad he tore his knee from snow boarding...but I gotta see Monica, but they're at opposite ends of So. Cal...so...I think I'm gonna schedule dinner w/ Monica on Saturday instead and see from there. Thursday...okay, so you're going to really find out how old I am when I say.."I'm going to the Boyz II Men concert" at the House of Blues on Sunset. Friday...now giggle again, but I'm gonna go see Fantasia and some of the crew for an "American Idol" taping somwhere with sister Karolynn (who also coordinated the Troy Phi Alumni Homecoming gathering this weekend! Go Karol!!...omg girl, I like totally bumped into Rudy and I acutally said "Rudimel!! How are you, I'm drunk"...classic drunk moment...and why the hell did I have to remember this, especially right now!) and my partner-in-dance crime, Ed!! Us girls we'll have fun at the taping for sure...I wonder if I can get an autograph!! Then I'm gonna push my luck and try to meet some friends at a Reggae Club. Saturday, take some sisters shopping....I gotta put a lock on my credit cards for this event.

This month is going by way too fast. I still have to buy all these gifts, buy all this stuff for my office holiday party, wrap the gifts, buy x-mas cards, send them, throw a holiday dinner and figure what day....but all in due time...I gotta clean my room first...that's the agenda for today.

Okie dokes....hope y'all are doing well and if anyone loves Ozomatli...wanna go??

LOSING BRAIN CELLS...I think I definitely lost a few this weekend at the SC Tailgate. I learned that Homecoming is sooooo much fun. 1) cuz practically all of SC alumni are there 2) so many more people 3) so much alcohol and yes, you can be a snob and ask for freakin' grey goose or crown only 4) did i mention alcohol?...free...and you don't have to be a girl to get free alcohol --> of course it makes it easier  5) you can get a lot of free stuff when you're drunk --> food, hot dog after the game, beer 6). bumping into friends at random spots is FUN times 7). you will get spilled on....8). game?? um, I remember staring at the field....I know we won, but I know we spent $45 to not watch the rest! 9). Even though we have our tickets to tell us where to sit, we were still lost and ended up with the grandma & grandpa section, it was fun though, we got food and we drank wine with them  10) meeting random guys...definite meat market during homecoming and 11) no more drinking for awhile...

oh yeah, Go TROJANS!

So after venting from my last entry....I've been more at ease with things. A lot has happened in the past two days.

HOLIDAY PARTY
I've somehow been appointed to be in charge of the December office party here at Northridge. I don't mind doing it, but it's stressful when the budget is so little. I'm concerned I'll be paying out of pocket (but maybe I can get that write-off).  I don't even know how I ended up with this responsibility, but damn me for putting my two cents in! I think it was b/c I had the brilliant ideas of how to do the gift exchange this year that has pushed me "up the ranks" (lol). Of course it's kinda cool to decide the week we'll be x-changing gifts and the actual party day. It's just damn stressful..that's all.

I'm with the DeeJay
After venting how DJ was talking to someone new, we started chatting again...I think he finally got why I was so resistant in trying to take things forward...but only time will tell.  I do have a feeling though that things might be different this time around. He doesn't return back to LA until the end of November...

So do you think it's a good thing to be with someone but not be deeply in-love with them? I think if I were to finally get into a relationship, I'd like to love that person and be loved back, but I'd like to know I still have all of me. I don't know if that made sense. I think that's why it might work out w/ DJ. I've known him for 4 years now...for some odd reason, I've always kept myself intact when it came to him. I never let my guard down even though I had no reason to. But then again, he didn't give me a reason to let it down either (well...for the most part)....I dunno, only time will tell....and I'll keep y'all posted.

Taking care of business
I finally called some peeps I needed to call and made some appointments. I still have to call my financial advisors....then I'll be coasting for awhile. It's sad sad day when you have to wait for a month to see a freakin' doctor (well..in this case dentist), but speaking of doctors, I have to add another darn thing on my "to do" list...I better find out what kind of things I need to get before I leave for Thailand next year....

I am not alone -- a contact from a stranger
So I get this weird IM today at work...someone asking me who I am. I finally told her that if she saw my name on a guy's buddy list...then she has nothing to worry...cuz I'm not dating anyone. Anyway, turns out she's talking about K. It's weird to hear the shit she's going through, but also therapeutic (that sounds seflish of me) for me. I say this because I find comfort in knowing I'm not the only one...that he is so manipulative...I'm just glad I'm not in her position....but I was 3 years ago...and I've come a long way from all that pain. I was seriously sick back then...sure was a great way to lose weight though...but in all seriousness, the feelings she's experiencing right now...i've been through. If a guy is that selfish and hurtful, I wonder what the heck happened to him to be that way....and will he ever change...I don't think I'll even be there to have this question answered. After talking to her, I don't feel like talking to him...even as a friend.

Speaking of keeping my distance
I think I should definitely stop talking to peeps who don't keep their word or put the effort in (the story of my life)....lately I just don't care...I use to care when I didn't hear from people, but now..I just don't give a damn. If you don't put that effort in, why bother. I don't give an ounce either.

But it's good to see old friends I haven't seen in awhile. Yesterday was a fun and busy day. Went shopping...bought a few outfits, got several gifts for peeps for x-mas (I still have a long list to go)..got my Godchild a x-mas dress for her to wear when she takes her holiday pics. I had to go to K's place to pick up some stuff since I was in the area. It was traffic going back home so I asked if I could just kick it at his pad for an hour or two --> he gave me this lecture on how he hates unplanned shit (so I told him nevermind) and he's like, you can stay blah blah blah. I felt like telling him, "how the hell do you expect someone to stay when you say all that shit....then I wanted to add...that's the difference between you and me...I would always let my friends stay if they needed to stay awhile"...I would make them feel welcome...even if it wasn't planned....personally I think majority of us live and unplanned life...we don't always know what's going on. But it was a good thing I didn't stay...I ended up visiting an old friend of mine that I haven't seen in almost a year....it was fun to just catch up.

I'm in awe cuz I have so many different friends. My high school friends are a reflection of the laid back me. The down-to-earth side of me. The one that would seriously be content spending her nights playing board games with friends, working on scrapbooking...then I have friends who reflect another side of me...the fast pace part of my life...good people but want it all...would rather spend their nights partying it up, going to museums, concerts, owning some sort of expensive jewelry, glasses, watch, etc. etc. etc....instead of chillin' at the house playing cards in old pj's.

Love songs...so I've been playing a lot of love songs while I drive this week. I usually can't stand listening to sentimental ballads for too long b/c I start getting a bit bitter (lol)...but the past few days, I've been listening to them b/c it brings a smile to my face...weird, eh?

okie dokes, last entry for this week. I'm off from Northridge for a few days (yay)...so until next time.

Didn't go out this weekend, but I did spend my time (for the most part) wisely. The only things that I don't like about my schedule is that I never get to sleep in. I've been "promoted" at Cedars to do the morning census --> which is cool, but means I have to come in early in the morning...I get to leave work early...but it's now official that I come in every freakin' mon, wed, and fri at 730 (and sat and sun at 8am). My schedule prior was to come in on fridays at 900 or 930ish...that was cool, but oh well....I can't complain, while some struggle to find a job in LA...I've somehow managed to get two very good ones

I spent Friday night making it a "movie night" but I ended up falling asleep. So on Saturday after work and after Todai's with Woosa, I went back home (with every intention to drive to my parents) and ended up watching 2 of the 4 movies I rented. So what did I rent?? I rented "mean girls" it was pretty funny and then watched "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"...which I shouldn't have watched in my state of mind. I've been thinking too much lately about relationships and people...men...and where I stand. I don't know why, but all of a sudden, I have this desire to "settle down"!! But as I get older, I realize my chances of meeting mr. right seems dim. I say this because, guys my age, usually tend to date younger girls, older guys (going through a midlife crisis) want to date a younger girl as well....and although I've dated "rich" guys, I'm easily turned off cuz I get this feeling like they think they "own" me somehow....and I'm done with poor guys cuz....well, I'm tired of supporting their arse! Older men aren't as romantic as younger men and yet younger men aren't as "mature"...plus, being part of generation "x" means a higher girl to guy proportion...so...it's slim pickings. Maybe my guy is at another state! It just seems a lot of the nice guys aren't from LA....maybe I just need to move! Guys I like, they're commitment phobic...guys that like me, I'm not interested in...it's like God has somehow said "Karen, everything in your life will come into place perfectly except for your love life....(with a strong sound of laughter in the background to follow)"

So mr. dj (formerly known as mr. c) is coming back from his military duties at the end of november. He doesn't get it!! Yes, DJ is cute and he's liked me for quite some time and wanted to take things to another level...but as we got "closer" I started backing off...b/c he wasn't giving enough. I don't consider myself high-maintenance and I know i'm reasonable, but just expected him to call once in awhile. I also expected him to spend a little more time with me when he came down to LA...and everytime we went out, it was always dutch (with me paying a little bit more)....so as I sat there contemplating where this "relationship" was headed...I freaked out. I started thinking, if this is how he is right now, maybe this is how it'll always be. I'll never be put close to the top of his list...I'll never get that attention and assurance I need in a relationship...hey, when it comes to "relationships.." yes, I'm a princess --> but believe me, I treat my man like he's a king...and I just want the same in return. I'm tired of putting so much in and getting crumbs back...and there's no one to blame but myself for it b/c I put up w/ BS! So I told him that we needed to stay as friends until he came back. I was risking the chance of losing him...but I also felt like I couldn't take it seriously either....

Anyway, he's coming back to town...he's "talking" to someone. I've pretty much given up cuz...well, he has plans to move to AZ...and I'm no where near wanting to relocate at this moment. I get paid well right now....moving to another state and leaving the paycheck I make at this time would be a big sacrifice. Of course...there's the matter of that woman he's "talking" to who's willing to relocate. I don't know...he's like..."she's cute, but something's missing"...and I was gonna say, "yeah, she isn't me" LOL...but I kept my mouth shut. It's a good thing he's not here at this time...I'm damn needy right now!

Then there's K...who's going fishing w/ some girl tomorrow morning..then dinner w/ Ally...he infuriates me. Do we all end up with one person that tends to get the best of us...cuz I swear, K is my kryptonite! wait...no...I take it back..he's more like a flame..and I'm the moth burned by the fire....then there's G...you know i'd be happy with G..but freakin' A!!! Why the hell is he so damn commitment phobic...

you know what my problem is?? I need to meet someone new...and I need to meet someone that isn't working at a freakin' bar or club --> although they end up being the cutest guys there! go figure! Or maybe I should just start dating those young'uns....LOL, yeah right! Maybe I don't act "helpless" enough...I'm too independent and speak my own mind...I don't need a man to take care of me, but I'd like a man to be there for me.

Anyway, I stayed at home again saturday night...crashed and woke up to go to work on sunday...and I finally went home to see my ohana....I miss them sooooo much! It's neat to see my relationship with my parents grow. I think I've always been the type to want to be treated like an "equal"...or at least not be talked down to....oh that gets to me! But anyway, my mom and dad are the cutest! I love how they still hold hands and hang out...maybe that's why I get these idealistic thoughts about relationships. I've seen my grandparents happy together and I see my parents happy together...I know relationships are difficult. I know it's not an easy road and it takes a lot of hard work...but there's not one guy that seems to want to put in as much effort as i'm willing to. Maybe God just wants me to stay single forever....and own lots and lots of cats! LOL...alright, I kid...I think his/her master plan is for me to give up and turn lesbian...yeah...that's it! Too bad..it's not going to happen anytime soon...at least in my lifetime...

Not much to say....I had a feeling he'd win...but at least cali voted right  now it's just time to hope nothing worse is gonna happen the next four years.

Spending time with K was interesting....just don't know anymore...

So I now have official work days...730-400pm....I guess I better let my coworker know...I'm glad cuz that means I get to leave early...but I'm sad cuz it means I won't see many of my coworkers at Northridge. A good note...a patient and family brought me a gift (candy) to thank me....whew...good thing it wasn't cash --> I'd have to go to compliance for that! But I'm glad they felt like they were being helped. It's days like this that I really feel I'm making a difference in people's lives. Yay mental health!

Got sick this weekend. No going out. No clubbing...no santa monica blvd....nada...not even work on sunday. I stayed home and rested...slept a lot...studied a bit.

Today was filled with randomness. I actually evaluated 3 clients today. This definitely was a test....it's hard to hide feelings/thoughts -- especially when you hear people who have been abusive to others. It was definitely difficult not to judge a person because of it. If there's one thing I truly can't tolerate (besides deception)...it is abuse. Of course I was glad they were seeking help and counseling. One cannot improve their lives without wanting to see it from a different perspective. The other client was so young it was a bit sad. Then again I always get sad when I see young ones (well..anyone actually) suffering from major depression --> so much so that they start cutting themselves. She was lucky though, she had friends and family that were very supportive of her. It's very important to have that.

I'm finally seeing the payoff! It's taken almost two months but I'm starting to see some cash flow coming this month (smiles). Granted I've paid the price of not having much of a social life and lacking sleep...but at least I've gotten rid of the stressors of being in knee-high deep in debt. But the holiday season's coming...now time for shopping.

You know what?  I know I'm very fortunate...and I actually have a lot in life. Great friends, wonderful family, awesome apartment and roommates...I have two great jobs (and heck, if I were to have just one, I'd still be financially good --> but i'd have to extend my retirement age further than 50 y.o.)...I do have a lot in life. I am very fortunate...and very greatful...and it's taken a few lessons to get me to where I am today. Choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with people you aspire to be or respect. Pride is healthy but too much pride is dangerous. I've become very much like my mother. It's rather funny because I never thought I'd follow in her footsteps. But I have. The only difference is I'm able to admit to my faults/errors (I think that's the libra side of me). Anyway, I was getting really antsy and felt like I didn't have much in life...but when I truly sit down and write what I have and what my goals are....I know i'm not too far from them. The only thing I'm lacking at this time is having someone to share my life with. I think it would be nice to have a S.O. travel around the world with me. It'd be nice to have those weekend excursions...If I had someone, I probably wouldn't be working as much --> maybe that's why I'm such a workaholic....work keeps me busy.

So I have a hookup for Vegas....I have a friend that DJ's for several clubs in Vegas...he can hook it up the VIP anytime I'm there....that's always a plus. I'm still debating about buying a house there....Mr. C just hired someone to custom built his house in Pheonix, AZ. My coworker has a house in AZ too and she said I should seriously think of getting one there....but I'm waiting....hopefully next year I'll have a house somewhere and finally call myself a homeowner   I really liked Colorado....but who knows...maybe I'll just end up buying a home here in Cali....I gotta do a lot of praying...and hope for some guidance to come my way.

Aight, I better get to studying. Midterm at 8am.....then off to see K. Yes...he won some brownie points this weekend...I think we're going to go catch a movie...that puppet one since I heard it was funny....

Oh yeah...let me just add one more too...I'm too old to be going to the clubs...bars are okay...but club promotions...just makes me feel sooo old.